Thailand: Afterthoughts

What an adventure life has been since returning home only 4 weeks ago!

Being back in Canada has been a bittersweet experience. It has been FANTASTIC to see friends & family, speak the language, not have to worry about getting sick from food, not sweat bucketloads in 48 degree heat, and have some 'normalcy' (whatever THAT means as a van Akker...) since being back home.  That being said, every day I have missed Thailand: the people, the ministry, the language, the interesting places, the culture, the food (minus the rice...), the smells (not), the beauty, and the adventure. What a privilege it has been to go on such a life-changing, incredible trip!

Since returning home my life has been complete MAYHEM. (Really, what's new in my life...?). Not only have I been getting back in the swing of things, but I started up a brand new grade 1 class, and I'm also in the middle of moving to a new place (17th move...) and beginning all the things that September brings (ie/ hip hop class.....yes, this converted Menno CAN dance).

Dirtbiking/Quadding with best friends on the long weekend

 Weekend getaway at the cabin at Manning Park

My first few days back were the hardest for me. Coupled with jet lag, I was sick (never was I sick while in Thailand, but apparently Canada has it in for me!), and I was in complete reverse culture shock! One of the hardest differences for me has been adjusting to the fast-paced life here once again and the pressures that go along with that. Thai people, in general, are very laid back and easy-going. (I was told by a friend that if I got 2-3 things done in a day while being in Thailand I was being very efficient! Not so in Canada...) While I enjoy working hard and with integrity, it has been a challenge adjusting to the efficiency and hyper-activity of North American culture! (I love being busy though....who am I kidding?!?)

Since being home, I have been challenged in countless ways and God has been doing huge work in the many corners of my heart: One of the biggest ways I have been learning and been challenged is in how I define success and achievement. What a relative concept! Throughout my life I have found myself time and time again defining myself in relation to what others have and have achieved. What a lie! How defeating and pointless it is to compare my own life experiences to those of others. In Thailand, I was told by some of my Thai friends that I was "successful" in life because of my job, friends, and living arrangements. If my status and value as a person is defined in Thailand in terms of my career and relationships then yes, I suppose you could say that I'm "successful". In Canada, I am told by secular society that I have not yet reached my "full potential" because I am still renting a place, I'm not yet married with 29 kids, and don't have my masters degree. If my status and value as a person is defined in Canada in terms of my financial status and relationships then yes, I suppose you could say that I still have much to "achieve". What conflicting views! How exhausting it is to forever be comparing oneself to those around you, regardless of whether you are considered "successful" or not. In that comparison process one can lose sight of the gifts that God has given, replacing thankfulness with a resentful and jaded heart. Comparison truly is the thief of joy! How thankful I am for a God that gives me purpose and looks at the heart that I have towards Him, others, and the situations I find myself in. It's an acceptance that is constant: how refreshing! He makes it abundantly clear that he cares about my heart rather that how I 'appear' to be. It's so freeing to know that I am accepted and loved by Jesus the exact way that I am! (Even if I am a diehard Spice Girls fan.....don't judge). ;) He has given each of us unique personalities, gifts, experiences and circumstances! I'm THANKFUL for differences: What a boring and place this would be if we were all the same!
  
This passage has been continually on my mind since the beginning of August:

Matthew 25 says...

“For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property. To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more. So also he who had the two talents made two talents more. But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master's money."

What are you (and I) doing with what God has given us? Each of us has been given gifts to use. We have one of two options: Do we hold what we have in such high regard that we are afraid of losing it and instead let it go stale by 'burying' it? Or do we value what God has given us so much that we don't dare spoil it? Do we invest what we have been given in the lives of others to ultimately bring them to know Jesus or are we so paralyzed by fear that we sit and by doing so tragically waste what we've been given? I love this passage because Jesus disregards the amount that people are given. In this illustration he values the man with 5 talents just as much as the man with 2 talents, proving that he cares about the heart of the people more than the amount. Interestingly, the person with the least to lose (the man with 1 talent) was so afraid to lose what he had been given that he did nothing with it. From my experience in Thailand I have learned the challenging lesson that when you hold the plans for your life loosely and entrust what you have been given to God he indeed multiplies and moves. I can't count the times that people told me I was crazy for traveling to Thailand all by myself without knowing anyone! I would say the same to a friend in the same boat! Never did I imagine during my time in Thailand that I would be ministering in Cambodian slums, teaching ESL, praying with strangers on airplanes, loving orphans, sharing my testimony in front of crowds of strangers, and investing in the lives of new friends made in Thailand (Not to mention riding elephants, holding tigers, enjoying gorgeous beaches, and every day chaotic Thai life!) God took the few gifts that I offered back to him and multiplied them tenfold! It's amazing to think that he gave this stubborn, high-spirited, selfish Dutch-girl enough gumption and faith to go and serve and then he completely blessed me in the process! WOW. I am humbled that he cared to use what was offered him and work in my life and in the lives of others.

Later in the same passage, Jesus concludes with the "master's" response: “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!‘ (Matthew 25: 19-21). I pray that I'm found faithful in the small things and that God trusts me with more! (As daunting as that seems...)
  
Quite frankly, I expected to hate my time in Thailand. While I was excited for the adventure of being there and serving where I could, a big part of me went to 'get rid of' the nudge that I had been feeling for the last two years to consider serving in that capacity. I thought that by going I would convince myself that overseas missions was NOT for me and that I was a Valley girl, through and through. I could not have been more wrong. I truly left my heart in Thailand and have found the tug for missions in this capacity to grow into a shove in this direction. While this terrifies me, especially being on my own at this point in my life, I trust that God is with me in this discernment process and that he will provide what I need and equip me through the process. It has been a very prayer-filled month as I spend intentional time with God to discern just what it is that he is stirring in me and what that could possibly look like. In the coming weeks I am meeting with some people from MB Mission to sort through some of these thoughts and to see what possible steps might be from here. If you would pray for me during this process it would be SO appreciated!

Many more things were learned during my time in Thailand and for everything I am SO SO thankful! Thank-you for all of you who followed by blog, sent me encouraging messages while I was away and now at home, and for those of you who prayed for me. I have been incredibly humbled by how you have genuinely care about how God worked in my life there and is continuing to! We'll see what God does in the coming months and years - I'm excited to see what adventure he leads me on as I serve Him and as I grow, whether that's here or elsewhere in the world! 
 

Some of the differences between the two countries that completely floored me since being back:


1) The FREEZING COLD temperature here! I was at the beach in the Okanagan a few days after being back and I was shivering in 30 degree heat!! I'm STILL cold.

2) Food is EXPENSIVE here. $12 for a plate of Pad Thai?!? Are you KIDDING me?? (It's $1-2 in Thailand)

3) It's gorgeous here. The mountains, the ocean, the fields. Incredible.

4) Drive-Thrus. WOAH! I forgot how great those are! (As if fast-food isn't fast enough..)

5) Eye contact. In Thailand everyone looks you in the eye as you pass by and most people say hello. It's VERY interesting to see how that is not the case here. I always say hi to people passing me here anyways, too bad!

6) The "Whatever" mentality of the Thai people - they are SO good at going with the flow!

7) There aren't thousands of stray dogs roaming the streets


8) There are RULES on the road. WHAT! Seatbelts? Stoplights? Crosswalks? They're obligatory here??

9) Flush toilets. 'Nuff said.


Farewell friends and MANY MANY thanks for reading!